Sarah Palin: what we've learned this week
Sarah Palin's Alaska was just the beginning of a family-wide media push
One thing I always think, when I see Sarah Palin on TV: you give so much of yourself to the world, with your sport-based metaphors and deeper wisdom derived from nature, but who are you really? What goes on at the epicentre of you?
I doubt we'll ever truly know, but a big media push from the entire family sheds a little light:
From Sarah Palin's Alaska, we learned that she is frightened of bears. Also, heights, fashion, glaciers, sex and intellectuals. We also learned that it is possible to make a programme that's a cross between a nature documentary and a fly-on-the-wall, all the best bits of David Attenborough meeting all the best of Katie Price.
We actually already knew that about Palin, sex and intellectuals. But the bearophobia is new.
From Bristol Palin's failure to be voted off Dancing with the Stars, we learned that the Tea Party is mobilising a mass vote in her favour. "It's entirely possible some of those people are behind Bristol for political reasons," said Conrad Green, executive producer. So Ann Widdecombe can cheer up: whatever non-dance-related reasons people have for voting for her, at least they're not political.
Also, Bristol has gained 15lb over the course of the show. I learned that on the website Newser, whose slogan is "read less: know more". That tells you all you need to know about the internet.
From People magazine, we learned that Sarah and Todd Palin have no intention of getting a divorce. For a fuller exposé on why they're not getting a divorce, you will have to wait until it hits newsstands on Friday. It's a whole new take on tabloid journalism, the "I'm not getting a divorce" revelation. Stay tuned for "I don't have cancer" and "Frank Sinatra is not my father".
We have yet to discover where she stands on witchcraft and masturbation (the new creationism and abortion. Keep up, people!); and whether or not she will run for president in 2012. I am almost 100% sure that she thinks she is already president.
